A Special Moment

I work at a pediatric office. This creates painfully beautiful moments on a daily basis. Beautiful new babies, adorable toddlers. "Why not me?" is the mantra that plays in my head all day long.

I try to find joy within these moments. I had that experience yesterday. I was asked to "distract" a sibling while her brother or sister got some immunizations. She brought me a book and I read to her in my office. She was a very cute, girly-girl. Frilly dress, painted nails, jewelry. She listened intently and mumbled comments through her pacificer. She was precious. It made my heart smile to just be around a little one.

Reading over my blog comments later, I began to cry. I looked over and my dog had the saddest look on his face, too. His expression seemed to say, "Why are you crying mommy? Don't be sad." I walked over to pet and cuddle with my puppy. He reached out and licked the tears right off my face.

I love my dog.

Reasons to be Thankful

Thank you to those of have already posted. I am touched by your love and kind words.

I am really struggling. I'm a bit too emotional to finish my post right now. Maybe a little later.

Seriously . . . when is it my turn?

I followed the "rules". I waited until I got married. I am happily married to a wonderful man. We have a lovely house. We both want children. Our income can support children.

One miscarriage and 2+ years later and no baby. Every other idiot with no job and no partner can have 1 or 2 or 10 kids. But, me? Zero.

I search for answers in medicine, in God, in my heart. I find no answers in any of these.

More thoughts to come. Please share your own.